it just slipped out. .[again]

alright, so before i jump this off. .i want to say HI && THANK YOU for your time :) trying to see. .get the feel if i want to ramble or rhyme. .or a rambling rhyme. haha
well here it is and DONT JUDGE ME!! haha

SO. it slipped out. .again.
just right when you were getting into the groove of this.
i fumbled.
flipped.
wigged out to say.
go a little nervous.
i let my emoitons get the best of me.
although i wanted to fulfill my urge.
REALLY wanted to explode.
let go.
BUT
FEAR got the best of me.
you make me feel as though im the most important figure in your life.
the most beautiful thing in sight.
the reason that you can live a stronger
better life.
the reason why you push yourself harder.
and it was my time to repay you.
im usually the one full of words.
well, im ALWAYS the one full of words.
but this time. .this ONE time was my time to shine.
my time you allow you to sit back and unwind.
look into the depths of my eyes and lose yourself.
unleash all that's built up.
i mean after all that can't be good for your health.
it started off slow
the pace then fasten
steady
easy
nice
melodic flow
th it was my time to swicth the roll
shifted my body to the left
as yours cruised to the right
deep down inside
i was ready to show
what i always hide.
lights dim.
music low.
breaths high pulse.
palms sweaty.
in my mind the line plays.
"you shut it down down down. you be the baddest girl around round round. ."
take that as motivation.
knowing that gets the blood pumping.
heart jumping.
and then i stop.
and THINK.
instead of allowing things to just be.
i move.
it slips out.
go back.
regain thoughts.
rotate.
regain the flow. .
a sway here.
pull there.
giggles released. .
moans increased.
i get into it.
and then i stop and THINK.
don't want to stop BUT my mind takes over.
controlling the body.
im NOT afraid.
BUT SOMETHING stops me.
it's not me.
but the inner me.
the wiser me.
but the freaky me wants to be seen.
battling within myself.
it's as if i need to call in for help.
look around.
i see you.
feel your body.
BUT im all alone.
me against me
yet me on you
it's hard to detect the two.
roll to your right side.
i curl up && hide
pride shut down.
tears held back.
wanting to shout.
let it ALL out.
be able to say I DID THAT!!
the feeling of being accomplishment.
BUT.
NOPE.
it slipped out
[again]
for the final time.
no retry.
and its ALL MY FAULT.
lose by default
=[