to say. .or to continue to just think it

to admitt that you actually love or miss someone is HARD and it comes with self realization. i have noticed that i can't help but to feel this way. at first, i always felt as though something was wrong with me. is there a sense of feeling needy, miss that lack of love or the feeling that someone NEEDS me. .WANTS me. .and proves that they love me in MORE than just WORDS? actions are missed, feelings that were felt and grew to infinite limits. the passion was undeniably strong. BUT it came to an end.
not to say that i am not over him is confusing at times. i know that what we had was great at the time but now i know that my heart is elsewhere. however, there is a void. it's not that i want him back excatly. it's just that after over a year of being in a relationship you get use to certain things and standards. you get use to planning your day around that person. you get use to checking in, making plans, reassuring and having that reassurance. .
i mean. we have all had our share of relationships or at least crushes, or crushes and know how you felt. the feeling is light and carefree and mystical in a way. it takes you to greater heights and once it's done weighs you down with questions: who would have known? what happened? when did it change? why is it over? how will i continue?
the questions swirl about and linger. .when in your head you want to throw up the middle finger. throw your hands up in the air and yell you dont care. but you do. more than you care to. .and there's nothing you can do.
when in the relationship there is two. .but before that. .there is you. after, there still remains a you with a better self knowing of him and yourself as well. you have to embrace the experience and LEARN from it ALL. .
it's like i could tell the world how i feel but that wouldnt do me any good because im not saying it to you. .but how can i tell you when you dont want to listen. im not trying to revive anything back just want to convey what i lack. .which is. .my once best friend
-aew 10

hungry

stomach's growling
pulse is elevated
palms sweating
mouth watering
hands shaking
foot tapping
head bobbing
focus lost
temple's throbbing
the pounding sensation increasing
feeling more and more
weak
at each moment's passing
but
you like this feeling
too lazy to feed the pains
stricken by the hunger
the heart pants
makes you stop
and think
realize that you are real
that you do feel
that you are not as independent as you think
the aches grow stronger
as the light dims
seconds grow longer
you feel faint
try to stand
it's an awkward restraint
unable to deal
you decide
to scrummage up a meal
roll over and get up
reach up
bend down
turn around
and serve
a dish is best cold
when your hunger is revenge
-aew 10

miss written

miss written is often misread, thus the information becomes mislead.
in the abundance of it all there is an empty slot to be filled. those that acquire a greater good in ways of expressions are often taken as unusual. creation of extended creativity becomes hidden. smitten with love that comes with the passion begins to lack. not necessarily wanting to please the peers, but not wanting to be downed by there sneers. most don't understand the amount of time that it takes in order to compose a simple sentence that meddles around in the mind causing a constant headache that surmounts to more than a writer's block. but in a way a complete discouraging. feeling as if your words aren't good enough. that what you have to say isn't worth being heard, when in the end when it is all said and done that is all you want to do. BE HEARD. maybe even fractionally understood. the way of the words can move, persuade, motivate and exude so much. the strength and magic of it all compels me to continue. .don't ever let your words fall flat. all that lies in the back of your mind allow it to spill out all over the page and understand that there is more to even a simple period. punctuate to elevate with the purpose to relate and express without any remorse nor further explanation that what you've already given. . . -aew 10