v e n t i n g

you were the one to tell me that double spacing was between the lines and not the words. . .

how can you awake in such high spirits and then go to another part of the house an get S H U T D O W N
the night before was lustful ..feeling so blessed things were finally shapening up. .and im happy. .B U T i forgot to please E V E R Y O N E
i just cant be happy if the rest of the world around me isnt feeling the same way. .i have way too many obligations to way to many people at such a young age..
i dont get it

i truly as thankful. .dont get me wrong i praise and pray to the Lord everyday even when the clouds are gray and heavy. .but i want to find my own sunshine. .while the others allow their clouds to break and allow rain to escape. .i want the heavenly sunshine to burst through.

*(deep meaningful sigh)
im just saying

woke up early this morning feeling better than good
but not all the way great
iLOVE the weather today
dont get my wrong ilike the sun just as much as the next person but today it's not needed
it's a cool cloudy day
just the way it should be
honestly no complaints
just that i dont know where to begin
where to start
you know
yesterday i had plenty of extra time but only seemed to be able to squeeze in the time to shower
better than nothing right
wrong
i have so much work that is due
projects
papers
midterms
etc
i know that i am not the only one but right now im concerned
about myself
yes, i am concerned about i
i have the will but lacking the strength
have the strength
but lacking the guidance
i dont know
there's something missing
it is what it is right
riiiiiiiight
love love love :)

drafting. .

whoa whoa whoa wait
come again
there has to be a change of plans
the touch of sand
the chill of the water
the rate of your heart
speeding of a bullet
shooting of a gun
the run of the mile
shooting the breeze
freeze
clamer up
possess a position of clearnace
making a longer
more vibrante
endurace of the everlasting
casting the spell
drifting the long lost souls
to dwell
in a place where they stare
stare
long and hard
stares turn to fiery glares
stairs then twist and twine
relapse and decline
on the brink of ignition
false start
reroute
the charted route
commute..

-aew'11

this simply can't be

i remember a time when i was happy.
the thing is when you're living in the moment, oneday it shall pass. and then you're forced to look back and try to make it your then again reality.
THiS simply can't be.

see, life is a mystery and the clues are hidden in plain sight but we're not able to figure it out until it's too late.
as of now, it's too late for me and my situation. to move on from this point is going to take a lot. the thought of this whole process made me over joyed. .but then to put it into play..im baffled.
i was so sure, but now. .eh. a bit iffy.

we need to let go and move on.
that's how we feel NOW
what about LATER

sheesh.
after all this time. .effort and EVERYTHING this is it?
this simply can't be.

bitter me?
im not sure.
just a little thrown off.
shaken up a little.
right when i was right there getting to the peak.
push down and stomped on.
c'mon coach.
put me in the game WITH A PLAN!!
cant allow me to shoot around blind folded. .
unless
that's what's meant for me to do.

ramblance.
endless ramblance.
i know that in the end i shall win
be where i need to be
OVER this whole situation
settled.
living LIFE
this is a defeated stance

ever what to just shut down
because they wont shut up?
yupp, it's about that time.
AWOL

yet, i feel selfish.
a strong woman like ME is not allowed to have weak moments.
i am ONLY ONE PERSON
that downfall is that I AM HUMAN
please see that.
take in to account all that has been done
what needs to be done
and who's helping me do it

the Lord carries me and places me at another starting line
i take my time to map out the travels
when in reality i should probably just go for it
but im afraid of a false start and starting over
or is it
that im just afraid to begin?

you win

5 months later. . .

wow, i havent wrote since Oct. 2010!! this is my first blog of 2011.

i guess i was starting to see it as pointless, i mean WHO reads these? well, mine at least. if you're not talking about the latest trends, who f*kn who, or that b*ch this or that. .then it all seems to flow down stream. sorry boo. .i dont do those.

well, the means of this one is. .well i have the need, feel to blabb. theres no one around so boop, the laptop is here. .hello love.

there has been alot of ish goin on within that time spand but in order for me to recall id need a time machince and recorder. .its been so UNREAL!!
do i dare dive into the matters at hand. .naw, not until they are fully played out.

so, until then. until i have something more to say. .i guess i'll go away. :(
all internet doings have felt my emptiness. .[fb, emails, twitter] to tech saavy things such as texts and phone calls, just havent felt the need to respond nor reach out. .it's all still inside. .

but. .but. .but im about ready to bust loose!! yea.

--count down to vegas--